One in ten men and women worry about their sex lives - and most that they’ve fallen into a rut.
That was the verdict of the British Natsal (National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles) study, released last week.
With a new year approaching, it’s the perfect time to revitalize your love life with these five, simple, transforming tips.
1. KISS FOR TWO MINUTES PER DAY
Couples kiss less and less the longer they are together. Which is a big mistake! An evolutionary psychologist studied why kissing gets the kiss-off by long-term couples and why people find kissing enjoyable in the first place. His findings: couples who ditch the customary air-kiss greet-and-parts for a few 30-second ‘proper’ kisses daily saw extraordinary improvement in their relationship…fast. That’s a mere two minutes per day to improve your love life, so pucker up!
2. MAGNETISE EACH OTHER
One of the main causes of tension in relationships is arguments about the frequency of sex. If that’s you, try this simple technique to fix it. All you need is two fridge magnets. Each of you claim one as your own, then move it once a day depending on if you do or don’t feel like sex. If the magnet is close to the top of the fridge, it means you’re extremely interested. If it’s at the bottom, you’d rather be on dishes duty. There’s a temptation for the high sex person to leave their magnet at the top of the fridge permanently and the low-desire person to weld theirs to the bottom but you’re actually better off doing the opposite. If both of you try to resist your ‘natural’ inclination and deliberately hover in neutral territory (the middle of the fridge), you might find an interesting pattern emerges. The low-desire person (finally) gets to be the first to instigate sex by inching their magnet above the always-up-for-it person, experiencing an erotic surge of sexual power. The high desire person (finally) gets the equally exquisite glory of being seduced. It’s great for couples who don’t feel comfortable discussing their sexual needs and stops having to second-guess your partner.
3. HAVE SEX SOMEWHERE YOU USUALLY DON’T
Christen every single room in your house in a week. To make itreally interesting, put a time limit on it. No more than five minutes from start to finish – and remember, a quickie can be intercourse, oral or hand stimulation.
The stairs: Great if height differences stop you from using certain positions and fab for oral sex as well as intercourse.
The bathroom: Try standing up in the shower or you standing with legs apart, hands on the sink for support, as he enters from behind.
The kitchen: You sit on the bench, he stands in front of you.
The laundry: Sex on the washing machine while it’s on the spin cycle is fantastic: it’s a seat-size vibrator!
The garden shed: Get the thrill of doing it outside, without the complication of actually being seen by your neighbours.
4. MASTER THE WORLD’S MOST POPULAR POSITION
The ‘reverse cowgirl’ – you on top straddling him but facing his feet – is consistently voted both his favourite position and the position most likely to give you an orgasm during intercourse. Why? You’re in control and easily able to alternate between good, constant clitoral contact or G-spot focused thrusting.
5. TAKE TURNS TO PLAN A SEX NIGHT
The person whose turn it is decides what you’re doing, when, where, how, organises any props you need, and is the instigator. This forces each of you to adopt different roles as giver and taker. Need inspiration? Invest in a few good sex books and nick ideas from there. If you’re worried your partner won’t like it, mark things you like the look of with sticky notes in one colour and get them to do the same with another. The pages both of you have marked try out first. The rest are negotiable once you’ve broken out of your comfort zones.
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