Why is OK for women to experiment with other women but not for men to do it with men?

It was good news for women when the results of the biggest and most respected sex study to be done in a decade were released today.

The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles showed women are becoming far more adventurous, better educated about sex and less afraid to experiment.

One of the most startling results was the increase in women having same sex experiences.

In 1990, 4% of women claimed they had experimented with another female, with 2% saying it involved genital contact.

Fast forward to 2010 and it’s shot up to 16% and 8% of those encounters involving intimate sex.

It’s a radically different story for men.

Six percent of men said they’d had a same sex experience (4% involving genital contact) back in 1990; ten years on it’s risen by a tiny one percent on both counts.

Which raises an interesting question: why is it OK for women to experiment with other women but not for men to do it with men?

Almost all of the ‘straight’ women I know have had lesbian snogs, furtive feels, one-nighters or full-on flings at some point in their lives.

It’s becoming so commonplace, it’s got a lot of people horribly confused.

 ‘Dear Tracey,’ wrote one bewildered, elderly gent to my website. ‘Is it just me or are lots of women sleeping with other women these days? Was it always like that and I just never noticed?’

The new statistics prove it wasn’t ‘always like that’ - but I still think it’s nothing his grandson should be stressing about.

Most of the women I know thoroughly (some really thoroughly) enjoyed the experience but have remained straight.

But while the study showed an ever-increasing acceptance for same sex relationships, including gay male couples, straight men wanting to experiment with other men still remains taboo.

‘If a woman dabbles, she’s just dabbling. If a man does it, it means he’s secretly gay,’ is a comment I’ve been hearing for as long as I’ve been writing about sex (25 years).

Most people continue to think like this.

Other studies (specifically by Meredith Chivers) show two women to be a turn on for almost everyone – straight guys, straight girls, gay women. Two men only tends to put a twinkle in the eye of gay men.

And while most straight women aren’t revolted by the suggestion of sleeping with the same sex (even if it’s something which doesn’t truly appeal) lots of men are.

There’s still such a stigma about being a gay man, owning up to even a second-long-semi-sexy thought involving another man is frightening.

Being gay can still lose you friends, jobs, the love of your family and respect of your community.

Coming out for men is a BIG decision.

Is it any wonder they don’t allow themselves to even think about straying into that area unless they’re 150% convinced it’s worth the risk?

I interviewed more than a dozen women and men recently, for an article about same sex experimentation.

The women had a right sparkle in their eye when asked if they fancied experimenting with women yet only one of the straight men dared to even look interested in doing the same with men.

He begrudgingly admitted to kissing ‘some bloke’ once while ‘very very drunk’ and feeling ‘vaguely interested’ in taking it further.

Not that he did – of course.

As far as society is concerned, a woman can still be feminine and want to stick her tongue into another woman’s whatnot.

But a man can’t be seen as manly if he wants to stick his bit into another man’s anything.

Where does all this leave us exactly?

A lot more advanced in our attitudes to women and gay sex - but still hung up on men.

It’s one of the few areas involved sexual experimentation that I suspect will forever stay swayed in our favour.