Why is OK for women to experiment with other women but not for men to do it with men?

It was good news for women when the results of the biggest and most respected sex study to be done in a decade were released today.

The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles showed women are becoming far more adventurous, better educated about sex and less afraid to experiment.

One of the most startling results was the increase in women having same sex experiences.

In 1990, 4% of women claimed they had experimented with another female, with 2% saying it involved genital contact.

Fast forward to 2010 and it’s shot up to 16% and 8% of those encounters involving intimate sex.

It’s a radically different story for men.

Six percent of men said they’d had a same sex experience (4% involving genital contact) back in 1990; ten years on it’s risen by a tiny one percent on both counts.

Which raises an interesting question: why is it OK for women to experiment with other women but not for men to do it with men?

Almost all of the ‘straight’ women I know have had lesbian snogs, furtive feels, one-nighters or full-on flings at some point in their lives.

It’s becoming so commonplace, it’s got a lot of people horribly confused.

 ‘Dear Tracey,’ wrote one bewildered, elderly gent to my website. ‘Is it just me or are lots of women sleeping with other women these days? Was it always like that and I just never noticed?’

The new statistics prove it wasn’t ‘always like that’ - but I still think it’s nothing his grandson should be stressing about.

Most of the women I know thoroughly (some really thoroughly) enjoyed the experience but have remained straight.

But while the study showed an ever-increasing acceptance for same sex relationships, including gay male couples, straight men wanting to experiment with other men still remains taboo.

‘If a woman dabbles, she’s just dabbling. If a man does it, it means he’s secretly gay,’ is a comment I’ve been hearing for as long as I’ve been writing about sex (25 years).

Most people continue to think like this.

Other studies (specifically by Meredith Chivers) show two women to be a turn on for almost everyone – straight guys, straight girls, gay women. Two men only tends to put a twinkle in the eye of gay men.

And while most straight women aren’t revolted by the suggestion of sleeping with the same sex (even if it’s something which doesn’t truly appeal) lots of men are.

There’s still such a stigma about being a gay man, owning up to even a second-long-semi-sexy thought involving another man is frightening.

Being gay can still lose you friends, jobs, the love of your family and respect of your community.

Coming out for men is a BIG decision.

Is it any wonder they don’t allow themselves to even think about straying into that area unless they’re 150% convinced it’s worth the risk?

I interviewed more than a dozen women and men recently, for an article about same sex experimentation.

The women had a right sparkle in their eye when asked if they fancied experimenting with women yet only one of the straight men dared to even look interested in doing the same with men.

He begrudgingly admitted to kissing ‘some bloke’ once while ‘very very drunk’ and feeling ‘vaguely interested’ in taking it further.

Not that he did – of course.

As far as society is concerned, a woman can still be feminine and want to stick her tongue into another woman’s whatnot.

But a man can’t be seen as manly if he wants to stick his bit into another man’s anything.

Where does all this leave us exactly?

A lot more advanced in our attitudes to women and gay sex - but still hung up on men.

It’s one of the few areas involved sexual experimentation that I suspect will forever stay swayed in our favour.

Five things you can do now to revitalize your sex life

One in ten men and women worry about their sex lives - and most that they’ve fallen into a rut.

That was the verdict of the British Natsal (National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles) study, released last week.

With a new year approaching, it’s the perfect time to revitalize your love life with these five, simple, transforming tips.

1. KISS FOR TWO MINUTES PER DAY

Couples kiss less and less the longer they are together. Which is a big mistake! An evolutionary psychologist studied why kissing gets the kiss-off by long-term couples and why people find kissing enjoyable in the first place. His findings: couples who ditch the customary air-kiss greet-and-parts for a few 30-second ‘proper’ kisses daily saw extraordinary improvement in their relationship…fast. That’s a mere two minutes per day to improve your love life, so pucker up!

2. MAGNETISE EACH OTHER

One of the main causes of tension in relationships is arguments about the frequency of sex. If that’s you, try this simple technique to fix it. All you need is two fridge magnets. Each of you claim one as your own, then move it once a day depending on if you do or don’t feel like sex. If the magnet is close to the top of the fridge, it means you’re extremely interested. If it’s at the bottom, you’d rather be on dishes duty. There’s a temptation for the high sex person to leave their magnet at the top of the fridge permanently and the low-desire person to weld theirs to the bottom but you’re actually better off doing the opposite. If both of you try to resist your ‘natural’ inclination and deliberately hover in neutral territory (the middle of the fridge), you might find an interesting pattern emerges. The low-desire person (finally) gets to be the first to instigate sex by inching their magnet above the always-up-for-it person, experiencing an erotic surge of sexual power. The high desire person (finally) gets the equally exquisite glory of being seduced. It’s great for couples who don’t feel comfortable discussing their sexual needs and stops having to second-guess your partner.

3. HAVE SEX SOMEWHERE YOU USUALLY DON’T

Christen every single room in your house in a week. To make itreally interesting, put a time limit on it. No more than five minutes from start to finish – and remember, a quickie can be intercourse, oral or hand stimulation.

The stairs: Great if height differences stop you from using certain positions and fab for oral sex as well as intercourse.

The bathroom: Try standing up in the shower or you standing with legs apart, hands on the sink for support, as he enters from behind.  

The kitchen: You sit on the bench, he stands in front of you.

The laundry: Sex on the washing machine while it’s on the spin cycle is fantastic: it’s a seat-size vibrator!

The garden shed: Get the thrill of doing it outside, without the complication of actually being seen by your neighbours.

4. MASTER THE WORLD’S MOST POPULAR POSITION

The ‘reverse cowgirl’ – you on top straddling him but facing his feet – is consistently voted both his favourite position and the position most likely to give you an orgasm during intercourse. Why? You’re in control and easily able to alternate between good, constant clitoral contact or G-spot focused thrusting.

5. TAKE TURNS TO PLAN A SEX NIGHT

The person whose turn it is decides what you’re doing, when, where, how, organises any props you need, and is the instigator. This forces each of you to adopt different roles as giver and taker. Need inspiration? Invest in a few good sex books and nick ideas from there. If you’re worried your partner won’t like it, mark things you like the look of with sticky notes in one colour and get them to do the same with another. The pages both of you have marked try out first. The rest are negotiable once you’ve broken out of your comfort zones.

The female s..x problem that no-one talks about

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Buffalo soldiers! Bull is saved by its friends while being EATEN by lions... which are sent flying through the air

Flyin' lion! A lion blindsides a smaller buffalo as it emerges from bushes at the Mjejane Reserve in South Africa.

- The young buffalo was attacked by a lion at Mjejane Reserve, South Africa

- Amazingly all of the animals walked away without any injuries, except perhaps, some bruised egos.

All looked lost when this young and lone buffalo was attacked by two lions in a South African national park. 

But the pair had not bargained on the buffalo's friends coming to his rescue, and moments later they were tossed several feet in the air before being chased away. 

The dramatic scene was captured on camera in the Mjejane Reserve on the border of the Kruger Park.

Scroll down for video:

Two on one: The hungry cat doesn't factor in the first buffalo's larger friend following behind and gets more than it bargained for.

Under attack: All looked lost when this young and lone buffalo was attacked by two lions in a South African national park.

Lone: The buffalo had become separated from the herd and become the prey for the two hungry lions.

Vicious: The lion sinks his teeth and claws into the buffalo as it stands still after becoming lost.

Caught: The dramatic scene was captured on camera in the Mjejane Reserve on the border of the Kruger Park.

It was witnessed by Oliver Matheson, 16, and his two friends Yaseen Majal, 17 and Alex Raubenheimer, 17.

They had joined Oliver's father Ian, 52, on an early morning game drive and didn't expect to witness a 'kill', let alone a battle between a hungry lion and a buffalo that had other ideas.

'We had seen the two young lions on the prowl and were already quite excited to witness nature in action, but nothing could have prepared us for what we saw next', said Oliver.   

The two young lions had been silently stalking the buffalo for about 45 minutes before the incident occurred. 

The two young lions had been silently stalking the buffalo for about 45 minutes before the incident occurred. 

Unfold: The attack was witnessed by Oliver Matheson, 16, and his two friends Yaseen Majal, 17 and Alex Raubenheimer, 17.

Early morning: The teens had joined Oliver's father Ian, 52, on an early morning game drive and didn't expect to witness a 'kill', let alone a battle between a hungry lion and a buffalo that had other ideas.

Suspense: 'We had seen the two young lions on the prowl and were already quite excited to witness nature in action, but nothing could have prepared us for what we saw next', said Oliver.

Determined: The two young lions had been silently stalking the buffalo for about 45 minutes before the incident occurred.

In a flash they pounced and began to take down their prey. 

The buffalo put up a brave fight, but ultimately looked destined to succumb to the ruthless attack.   

'It looked like it was game over, he really looked finished', said Oliver.

'Then we saw two of the original herd coming back to investigate and we didn't really know what to expect'.

Plan: In a flash they pounced and began to take down their prey. The buffalo put up a brave fight, but ultimately looked destined to succumb to the ruthless attack.

As the young buffalo fell to the ground, a large bull from the herd sized up the situation, seized his opportunity and attacked the young lion. 

'It was insane, he flipped the lion about 5 metres into the air. I had never seen anything like it,' said Oliver.

'We visit the park two to three times a year,' said Oliver's father, Ian.

'In all the years we have been coming to the reserve, we have never seen anything close to what we saw that morning'. 

'We really felt privileged to have witnessed such a rare occurrence'.

Amazingly all of the animals walked away without any injuries, except perhaps, some bruised egos. 

Shocked: 'We visit the park two to three times a year,' said Oliver's father, Ian. 'In all the years we have been coming to the reserve, we have never seen anything close to what we saw that morning'.

Desperate: The lion sinks his teeth deeper into the buffalo as it frantically tries to escape with its life.

Defend: As the young buffalo fell to the ground, a large bull from the herd sized up the situation, seized his opportunity and attacked the young lion.

Flying high: 'It was insane, he flipped the lion about 5 metres into the air. I had never seen anything like it,' said Oliver.

Animal kingdom rules: Amazingly all of the animals walked away without any injuries, except perhaps, some bruised egos